sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
