I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
