awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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