Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
