i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
