No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
