I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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