giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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