idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
