drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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