my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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