don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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