my phone needs a breathalizer
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
