Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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