i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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