My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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