I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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