All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
