when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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