Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
