dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
