So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
