so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
