The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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