I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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