Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
