the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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