I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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