somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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