Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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