if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
