So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
