This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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