I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
