There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
