Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
