You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
