i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
