sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my being single is dangerous.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So much rum. So many feels.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
