I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
