Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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