is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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