He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
