Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
