wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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