That's when you crack a 10am beer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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