Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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