his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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