I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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