so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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